Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Feel Better About Yourself in Five Easy Steps!

Feeling bad about yourself? Lost your job? No relationship, or worse, a shitty one? Stop what you're doing and take these five simple self-help steps to improve your self-esteem.

1. Find a spiritual self-affirmation book. Perhaps something with rays of sunlight or footprints on the cover. Say a daily affirmation each day for seven days. On the eighth day stop. Reflect on the past seven days and thank God you're not the kind of person who has to do that shit every single day.

2. Play a board game with a child. It's really easy to win and you'll feel smart.

3. Hang out with people fatter than you. If you cannot find any, hang out with skinny people and visualize them sticking their fingers down their throat and eating snickers in the closet. There, now aren't you glad you're not like them?

4. Stick a dime in someone else's parking meter and save them from a ticket. Leave a note on their car telling them what you've done. Make sure they know that you did it out of the kindness of your heart because you are a selfless and generous person. Then just sit back and wait for your karma reward.

5. Wear a turtle neck and listen to public radio in your car loud enough for people to hear it and think "Wow, she is so evolved."

Have a better day!


  1. I'm totally in on #1 and #2.

  2. These are great tips! Thanks, fellow queen! :)

  3. *snicker*
    You're bad.

    My son freaks out if I win, but so what. He'll get over it. Teehee! ;)

  4. #1 made me LMAO. #2? Like the boss at golf, you're supposed to let THEM win, so they feel all good about themselves, and so that they can hit the wall when they are out on their own and find out how much better it was when they were with you, #3 - done, repeatedly. #4 - one of my favorite things to do. #5 - does a fashionable scarf work if half is tossed over one shoulder? heh heh

  5. Summer, the Other Queen, Akilah, and DBWSC: I'm glad you've got some new self-esteem tools. Now go out there and shower your golden-ness on the world. Give the world a golden shower of you.